Jackson Ryan Simpson came in to the world 5 weeks early and sick with infection, bu much like his great grandmother, he is a fighter. As much as he fought to get out, my mother fought just as hard to stay here. My daughters pregnancy was not an easy one and we were anticipating possible complications, so when he arrived early and spent the first 18 days of his life in the NICU we were not surprised. From the day she announced she was pregnant we all were on pins and needles, first getting through the first trimester, relaxing a bit in the second, then on high alert in the third.
My mother an was ambitious , hardworking, family oriented women, who lived her life to the fullest. She grew up in poverty, and decided as a young woman that she would never live as she put it "hand to mouth" like she grew up. She put herself through college and grad school, and went on to have two wonderful careers in her 82 years. She loved her family fiercely, and although we did not always see eye to eye, she was always there for me, right or wrong.
In February I was in the hospital with my mom watching her die, helping her pass by playing her favorite music, talking to her, and holding her hand. Deciding to take someone off life support is a difficult decision to make, but in the end as hard as it is, we are honoring our loved ones wishes by doing so, although that does not make it any easier. That week in February was awful. We went from having her here to having to plan a funeral. When she passed away I was heartbroken because she was the glue that held our family together. She was the one who had always planned the family get togethers. She was the one who answered the phone when I would call home. She was the one who kept me abreast of what extended family members were up to. I experienced an overwhelming feeling of loss and void in my life.
The early morning of July 27th, the void that I felt was filled by a beautiful new baby who stole my heart. When I look at Jax's little hands I wonder what those hands will do in life. They will be in dirt, up his nose, wiping away tears, holding his own children some day, and hopefully his grand children and beyond. I look at those tiny soft feet and I wonder when they will first hit the floor, where the will walk in life, and how big the will grow. Right now they are soft and small, one day they will be cracked, dry, and well worn. I look at Jax, and I see how whole life before him. I know that someday he will come to me and tell me he is expecting a baby, and the circle will continue to grow.
This year will always be, in my eyes, one of the most emotional ones I have had so far. With the bitter came the sweet. We said good bye to our matriarch, and welcomed a new baby. They call my generation "The Sandwich Generation" for good reason.
Cheers,
Joanne
Beautiful.
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